Easily Offended

Sometimes people say things and you can't help but wonder what they mean by it.  Are they lacking in communication skills?  Are they intentionally out to hurt me?  Maybe they're just on a different page than I am...  I would guess that most people either aren't communicating in a way that I can understand or they just aren't understanding the situation I'm in, or maybe not on the same page as me.  I've been convicted on how easily I am offended by others, especially lately.

I find that many people are uncomfortable talking about my loss and just don't know what to say to me when they see me and well, let's just say, sometimes it's better to say nothing than to say something ignorant.  For example, I cannot tell you how many times I've heard, "I know how you feel, we've been through this as well."  OK, first of all, nobody knows how I feel except God.  Everyone's pain is different.  Secondly, what exactly have you been through, because you have no idea what I've been through, so how could you possibly "know how I feel?"  Another one that bothers me is, "Sorry for your miscarriage."  I get so upset by this because my loss was not just a miscarriage, this was the loss of a baby, the loss of my baby!  I'm not saying my responses are the right way to respond, because I don't think they are.  When I respond this way, I am responding angrily, selfishly, and with a sinful nature.  I am easily offended.

The truth is, people who say things like this are really trying to help me.  They probably think they are showing me empathy by telling me I am not alone.  They are probably searching for the right words to say and are doing the best they can.  Last week I had a friend expressing how excited she was because they had just welcomed a new baby into their family.  She started sharing the details of her emotions and what a happy time it was for her.  All I could think of was how sad I was and I could not believe she was actually sharing these details with me.  My pain is so fresh, so recent.  "How could you do this to me?  Why would you be so insensitive."  As we parted, I cried.  I was hurt and my heart yearned and ached for my healthy baby boy.  I really had to take a step back and think about the conversation.  Later on I was in deep thought about it and it hit me.  This person is not a mother.  She has never experienced motherhood, the loss of a baby, or anything remotely close.  How could I expect her to understand my pain?  She didn't mean any harm in sharing her joy with me.  She had a right to be excited, joyful, and happy... I would have been too, if I were in her shoes.  God gave me the grace I needed to forgive her.

So, why am I so easily offended?  Do I have a pride issue?   Am I too sensitive?  Or, do I have a problem understanding others?  Maybe a combination of all?  I'm not sure, but I do know it's part of my sinful nature and I don't want any part of it.  I've noticed that when I am easily offended, it is easier for me to commit an offense, which then leads to more sin.  It doesn't take much to be offended when you are already hurting.  That's exactly what the devil wants.  He would love to see disunity, especially between believers.  He would love nothing more to put a halt to my spiritual growth and leave me feeling sad and empty all because I take things too personally or out of context.

In these moments when I am offended, I have to literally and intentionally take a step back and look at the big picture.  People are not intentionally trying to hurt me, they are trying to help me.  They are offering their support in the way they know how and there is nothing wrong with that.  I want to see the good in people, bring out the best in them.  It is not my job to judge or assume the worst, that only leads to dissension. I can't imagine how offensive I've been to God!  Yet, He still loves and forgives me.... I can't think of a better example to follow than Christ's.

"Therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, put on tender mercies, kindness, humility, meekness, long suffering; bearing with one another, and forgiving one another, if anyone has a complaint against another; even as Christ forgave you, so you also must do. But above all these things put on love, which is the bond of perfection. And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to which also you were called in one body; and be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom, teaching and admonishing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with grace in your hearts to the Lord. And whatever you do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him." Colossians 3:12-17