Your Love Never Fails

Yesterday, I was driving in the car and that song by Chris Quilala came on the radio, "Your Love Never Fails." I've heard it a lot before, but this time the part that caught my attention was the lyrics, "There may be pain at night, but joy comes in the morning." Psalm 30:5 tells us that "Weeping may endure for a night,
But joy comes in the morning." I started to think of so many people that have or are experiencing pain in their lives. I've said this before, but it's so hard to see that joy that will come in the morning...and sometimes it does not seem to come the very next morning. I also thought about my own situation. I remember the first few nights of (trying to) sleep after having Jonah. I did not experience an outright joy the mornings to follow. I grieved. I was deeply saddened. I felt as though my heart was ripped out of my chest, thrown on the floor, and stomped on a few times. So, although I wasn't rejoicing or joyous at that moment in time, what I did experience was peace. Now when I say peace, I don't mean complete understanding of the whole situation (I still don't have that). But, it was a peace that I knew God could only give. It was a peace of Him showing me that it was going to all work out for good and He was in control. I needed that peace in order to experience joy again.

It makes me wonder, if we never experience pain or suffering, how could we fully experience His joy and peace? When you're dragged through the trenches and Christ can pull you out of that, use it for good, and restore your joy to a level you never experienced...that's an amazing feeling. That's some serious faith building. That's something only He can do. I wonder how much more He would do if I would lay my own agenda down and allow Him to work.

Last night, I truly believe God impressed on my heart to pray for a specific family. I don't personally know this family, but they were placed on my heart. About a year ago, this young family was changed forever. It was a sudden death of a young wife and mother, it broke my heart at the time, and broke my heart again last night. I found the blog her husband had been writing and began to read what had been going on. It doesn't take much to put me to tears these days, but after reading his blog I was touched, my heart ached for this family, and I was sobbing. My heart heavy, full of sadness, thinking and grieving for so many people I know that are suffering right now. Overwhelmed with sadness and weeping, I knew God was telling me I needed to stop and pray immediately for all of those He laid on my heart. Did I mention this was all around midnight until 1:00 am? But, it was His perfect timing, because I had no interruptions, it was quiet, and it was just me and God. I named and prayed for all those people He impressed on me. I was reminded of the song I heard earlier that day and prayed that although I was experiencing pain tonight, I wanted to feel His joy in the morning. That's exactly what He did. He answers prayer. He answered my prayer. He makes all things work together for my good. And although there may be pain at night, joy comes in the morning, because His love never fails.

Happy Birthday Jonah

If I were to say that today and the days leading up to today were not hard, then I would be lying.  I think to where I was at last year on this day and it was not a good place.  The only good thing about that day, was that I got to hold my son for almost 3 hours, other than that, it was the most difficult day of my life.  I remember thinking, "How am I supposed to rejoice through this kind of suffering?"  When you are in the midst of grief, rejoicing is not a natural response.  I could use this post to share the sadness I feel in my heart, to ponder what this last year would have been like with Jonah...I know my readers would not judge.  BUT, I do that a lot already.  So... instead of  doing that,  I'm going to take the time to list all the great things that have happened, all of the blessings as a result of Jonah's beautiful life.  It's my way of rejoicing even through pain.

- Being blessed with Jonah's life.  His life on earth was short, but his life is still a tremendous blessing. We had our son!
- I've learned a lot about forgiveness and its importance.  Life is short.  FORGIVE quickly.
- I've learned to appreciate the little things more.
- I appreciate the 2 beautiful daughters God has given me now more than ever!
- Each day is a gift.  I'm grateful that God has a purpose for me, even if that means I have to go through some suffering.
- Compassion.  I've always had a soft spot for others experiencing pain, but going through this has opened my eyes and God has taught me so much about empathy and compassion.
- MY husband!!  When you go through hard times and your husband is your rock, you know God has your back!  I'm blessed.
- Friendships.  I have developed deeper and more meaningful friendships during this past year.
- Helping others through their difficult times.  When you know what pain is and you've come out of it, you can use your experiences to help others.  It's therapeutic and healing.
- I have learned a lot about patience.  God's timing isn't always my timing.  I'm learning to be OK with that.
- Giving back.  This last summer, we decided to get licensed as a Foster-to-Adopt family.  We have a lot of love to give, why not share it with others in need?  (This goes back to the patience topic, because we are still waiting) :)
- People always say life is a miracle, but I really, really see that more clearly now.  God's hand in conception,  development, and birth is clearly evident.  Every little detail must come together...life is a miracle.
- STRENGTH! I've known the verse, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" since I was a little girl, but didn't know he could give me strength to get through this!  Don't know what I'd do without His strength.  So grateful he is showing me His strength, there is nothing like it.
- I have a better understanding of having "A peace that surpasses all understanding."  If you need peace, look no further, seek Him for it..  I can't even explain it, it's supernatural. You need to experience firsthand!
- God's grace is sufficient for me.  I see that in a totally different light these days. "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me."  There is a new meaning to that verse for me.

-and finally (even though I could keep adding to this list)... I have hope.  I know I will see Jonah again one day (and his brother or sister). I have 2 children here on earth and 2 in heaven.  We will be one big happy family, rejoicing in heaven one day.  Nothing can take away that blessed assurance.

Suffering is not easy. It hurts and it's hard to see the good when all you want to do is grieve.  I've learned that I need to be intentional.  I want to see good, I want to rejoice, and I want to be thankful.  I have found that when I'm able to do that, or at least try, I am in a better place.  God has already poured out His love into my heart.  He's already blessed me with His grace, peace, strength, and healing.  It's my choice to receive it and use it for good.

Happy Birthday Jonah!  Mommy loves you immeasurably.  

"We also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance;  perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us." Romans 5:3-5

The God of Healing & Comfort

"Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest.

 Take My yoke upon you, and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart;

 and you shall find rest for your souls. "For My yoke is easy, and My load is light."



This Saturday, January 26th is a very significant day for our family.  It will be 1 year that baby Jonah entered the world and left this world.  As I think about the past year it has been a whirlwind of emotions.  So many changes have taken place, some good, some bad.  There have been happy times and sad times.  I always think of how life would be different if Jonah were still here.  What would he be like?  Would he be walking already, or would he prefer to be held the way his sisters always did?  What would have been his first word?  What color would his hair have been?  Would he look like more like mommy or daddy?  The list goes on and on.  I find myself in a daze, daydreaming about the son I would have had, the son I should have had.  Then, I remind myself that yes, it's OK to miss him like crazy, but God's plans are different then mine.  Whether I agree with His plan or not, His ways are good. He is good.  I don't need to understand everything, because I'm trusting that He knows all of the unanswered "whys" and "whats" that can consume my mind.

Almost 2 weeks ago, some very close friends of ours delivered twin baby girls.  We were so excited for them, rejoicing at the thought of these sweet babies and the opportunity for our friends to experience parenthood.  Our joy and excitement suddenly took a turn as they learned one of their baby girls had Trisomy 18.  This chromosomal illness would make it very difficult for their baby to survive.  We immediately felt broken.  How can this be?  All I could think was, "Lord we pleaded with you on behalf of our friends, we did not want to see them go thought what we went through.  Isn't it enough that we went through it?"  I couldn't help but question God's timing, He knows it's Jonah's 1st anniversary.  It's like it was happening all over again, only this time we are looking in from the outside.  Our hearts are heavy.  Nobody should have to experience this pain.  It just doesn't seem fair and it's so hard to see the good in it.  I'm not going to lie or cover up anything, I've been struggling through this.  Sometimes I just don't get it.

It was this past Saturday I received a text from a mentor.  It read, "All praise to the God and Father of our Master, Jesus the Messiah! Father of all mercy! God of all healing counsel! He comes alongside us when we go through hard times, and before you know it, he brings us alongside someone else who is going through hard times so that we can be there for that person just as God was there for us." (2 Cor. 1:3-4) 
She went on to say that she knows I am being a comfort to my friend who is struggling with the thought of losing her daughter.  And that's when my eyes opened a little wider.  I realized (again)  that this is all part of God's plan.  He knew we needed to be there for our friends.  Only God would know that our friends would go through something similar almost exactly 1 year later.  He allowed us to go through it first, He brought us much comfort so that we could share it with our friends.  He is using us and that feels good!  Another reminder that He can bring good from even the most difficult situation, He is good!  He knows what we need, and when and how we need it.

Maybe you've been through something difficult in your life, or maybe you're experiencing something now?  Stay open to the fact that if you allow Him, God will use it for His good and glory.  Sometimes we can't see clearly during the storm because there is so much fog in the way.  But as that fog clears, continue to keep your eyes fixed on Him, only He can give purpose and clarity in a way that brings a tremendous amount of healing and comfort. 

If you think of it, pray for our friends and their baby Madelyn.  They need strength, comfort, and healing.