My Desperate Cry

"But You, O Lord, do not be far from Me; O My Strength, hasten to help Me!" Psalm 22:19

Have you ever felt desperate?  So desperate that maybe you don't believe in God but you found yourself calling out or crying out to him in your desperate time of need?  When life comes easy, filled with joy, and things seem to be going your way maybe you think you've got it all under control.   Or, maybe your prayer life, Bible reading, and worship slowly take the back burner because you feel you are not in need of God's help at that moment.  I have been there.  I'll be the first to admit, I've messed up.

I think sometimes God allows us to come to the point of crying out to him.  Sometimes we become so depleted, so desperate that all we can do is cry out in desperation.  All the while he hears, he is listening, and I picture Him saying, "My beloved, I will never leave you, I am right here with you."  In my weakest moments or during my times of desperation I remember His promises.  For when I am weak then I am strong.  His power is made perfect in weakness.  I am experiencing this right now in my life at such a deep level.  Last night, I had one of those desperate moments, one of the many I will probably come face to face with in this life.

On our way to dinner last night, I received a phone call in regards to Jonah.  I won't go into details because it is a painful topic to rehash, but it was about a mistake the medical examiner had made.  I suddenly felt myself in a panic.  I know my son is in heaven, resting in the arms of Jesus peacefully amongst the other perfect little babies and children.  However, the visual image I was now given is not what any mother or father should have to endure.  Oh the pain, the heartache, my son...he should be with me, in my arms, resting safely!  My selfishness kicked in and the protective mother started to come out of me.  I want to be holding my baby, I want to care for him, he needs me!  And then...the Lord reminds me, who better to care for your precious baby boy then his maker?  With that reminder, I cry out..."Lord help me, I need you, take my pain, I'm desperate for you!"  I would love to feel God physically wrap His arms around me and tell me everything is going to be fine, but He doesn't always answer the way we want or expect.  Instead, I began to feel the peace I was in need of.  I have 2 beautiful daughters and in their innocence and with tenderness they began asking if I was OK.  I have a husband that was holding my hand, weeping with me, and telling me he is here for me and that he is so sorry.  I have a mom and dad heartbroken over our loss, who are more than supportive, and offering help in anyway they can.   God gave me the love and support of my family wrapping their arms around me in that time of desperation.

My mind has been going a thousand miles a minute just processing and thinking through all of this.  So, I can't help but to question what people do when they don't believe in God?  Who do they turn to when they don't have a relationship with their Savior?  What is their hope based upon?  Life without hope is nothing but death -darkness, death, hopelessness, sadness.  Who would want that?  Why would you choose not to believe at all instead of taking a chance and believing in the one true God who sent His Son to saves us.

In your time of desperation who will you call upon?  Maybe it's not a time of desperation but it could be a need or just a time of questioning.  Instead of waiting until that point of desperation to call upon the Lord, let's start practicing now.  Every question, every answer, every word spoken, every action, EVERYTHING should be surrendered and given to God.  Can you imagine how life would be if we committed to giving it all to God?  Wow, it's hard for me to fathom...to think that I've been so selfish and wanted things my way. 

Thank you Lord for revealing to me the right way.  Now, help me to follow through and do things the right way - Your way.