Happy Birthday Jonah

If I were to say that today and the days leading up to today were not hard, then I would be lying.  I think to where I was at last year on this day and it was not a good place.  The only good thing about that day, was that I got to hold my son for almost 3 hours, other than that, it was the most difficult day of my life.  I remember thinking, "How am I supposed to rejoice through this kind of suffering?"  When you are in the midst of grief, rejoicing is not a natural response.  I could use this post to share the sadness I feel in my heart, to ponder what this last year would have been like with Jonah...I know my readers would not judge.  BUT, I do that a lot already.  So... instead of  doing that,  I'm going to take the time to list all the great things that have happened, all of the blessings as a result of Jonah's beautiful life.  It's my way of rejoicing even through pain.

- Being blessed with Jonah's life.  His life on earth was short, but his life is still a tremendous blessing. We had our son!
- I've learned a lot about forgiveness and its importance.  Life is short.  FORGIVE quickly.
- I've learned to appreciate the little things more.
- I appreciate the 2 beautiful daughters God has given me now more than ever!
- Each day is a gift.  I'm grateful that God has a purpose for me, even if that means I have to go through some suffering.
- Compassion.  I've always had a soft spot for others experiencing pain, but going through this has opened my eyes and God has taught me so much about empathy and compassion.
- MY husband!!  When you go through hard times and your husband is your rock, you know God has your back!  I'm blessed.
- Friendships.  I have developed deeper and more meaningful friendships during this past year.
- Helping others through their difficult times.  When you know what pain is and you've come out of it, you can use your experiences to help others.  It's therapeutic and healing.
- I have learned a lot about patience.  God's timing isn't always my timing.  I'm learning to be OK with that.
- Giving back.  This last summer, we decided to get licensed as a Foster-to-Adopt family.  We have a lot of love to give, why not share it with others in need?  (This goes back to the patience topic, because we are still waiting) :)
- People always say life is a miracle, but I really, really see that more clearly now.  God's hand in conception,  development, and birth is clearly evident.  Every little detail must come together...life is a miracle.
- STRENGTH! I've known the verse, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" since I was a little girl, but didn't know he could give me strength to get through this!  Don't know what I'd do without His strength.  So grateful he is showing me His strength, there is nothing like it.
- I have a better understanding of having "A peace that surpasses all understanding."  If you need peace, look no further, seek Him for it..  I can't even explain it, it's supernatural. You need to experience firsthand!
- God's grace is sufficient for me.  I see that in a totally different light these days. "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me."  There is a new meaning to that verse for me.

-and finally (even though I could keep adding to this list)... I have hope.  I know I will see Jonah again one day (and his brother or sister). I have 2 children here on earth and 2 in heaven.  We will be one big happy family, rejoicing in heaven one day.  Nothing can take away that blessed assurance.

Suffering is not easy. It hurts and it's hard to see the good when all you want to do is grieve.  I've learned that I need to be intentional.  I want to see good, I want to rejoice, and I want to be thankful.  I have found that when I'm able to do that, or at least try, I am in a better place.  God has already poured out His love into my heart.  He's already blessed me with His grace, peace, strength, and healing.  It's my choice to receive it and use it for good.

Happy Birthday Jonah!  Mommy loves you immeasurably.  

"We also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance;  perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us." Romans 5:3-5