Much time has passed since my last blog. Time for reflection, healing, thinking, and growth....there has also been a lot of crazy, busy-ness! For the last few months I've been thinking about what my next post would be. So much has changed, yet so much remains the same.
It still amazes me to see how much God has used Jonah's little life to be a blessing. It just goes to show that He is a mighty God and can use ANYTHING for His glory. He gives and takes away and although I don't understand it all, it is all for good. He is good all the time, even when we might not see the good.
People have told me the pain of losing a child eventually starts to fade, that it becomes easier. I disagree. It never gets easier. You learn new ways of coping, you learn to seek God's face in a way like never before, but the pain remains. You might be ready to move on, but you never forget. How can you? It only takes a moment to fall in love with a perfect, innocent life that God so intricately formed. It's immediate attachment, whether that child is in your womb or in your arms, he remains in your heart forever. That's how it should be. There's no love like mommy's. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't ponder my son's life. I miss him. Jonah has impressed a tenderness in my heart forever.
Some have asked if we are still planning to have another child. About 10 years ago, Joe and I had talked about having 3 children of our own and adopting the 4th. Of course this was just "young love" talk, but it's funny how sometimes these little talks turn out to be pretty realistic. We've been blessed with 2 lovely girls and a sweet baby boy. Even though time was cut short with Jonah, he will always be our son. We had our 3 children, which leads us to our next step. I'm officially making this announcement for the first time on a public forum...so be excited! This summer we started the process with a foster to adopt program. We've started the home study and are working toward becoming licensed foster parents. Obviously, we are taking a huge leap of faith! There are no guarantees through this process, but then again, there aren't any guarantees in life. We are trusting that God will provide the right baby or child (or children) :) for our family. We've already been blessed with a wonderful caseworker and a great agency. We hope to have all of the requirements fulfilled by this Christmas, so we'd love to have your prayer support. The goal of this program is to temporarily foster a child and eventually become their permanent adoptive parents. We are thrilled with the the thought of adding to our family, but as parents we realize the new responsibilities this will entail. So please, all you folks who don't understand this or don't agree with it, keep your comments to yourself. We need positive support. I'm just keeping it real... :)
We don't know how this will all turn out, but we do know this is what we're called to do. The scriptures are clear about caring for the orphans, but we also realize this is not a calling for everyone. I'll admit, I have the fear of receiving a child, growing attached, and then having to let go of that child. My initial thought was, "I don't want another loss in our family." It took a few months, but God made it crystal clear for me - that's not a decision I can make, it's not in my control. My job is to trust and obey. We have a lot of love to give to a deserving life and that's what we plan on doing, whether it be long or short-term, to God be the glory.
Matthew 18:5, “Whoever receives a child in My name, receives Me.”
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